A New Dream

For so long I've been haunted by dreams of war and trials. I've had dreams of those that are closest to me punished for poor choices made by others and made by themselves. I dream a lot of military experiences both had and made up. Sometimes (it used to be a lot of the time) I feel as though I'm still there. As though I'm still right in the thick of everything. I've had dreams of killing people, dreams of losing my wife, my children, my friends an other family members. I've even dreamed of people dying that I don't know. I've had dreams of those closest to me being sent to hell to burn for crimes unpaid for. I don't know if it's a warning for me, or just tricks that my mind wants to play on me. My dreams usually cause my heart to pound, my mind to race, and when I wake up, I feel like I've been exercising. Sometimes I'll be covered in a cold sweat and others I'm just exhausted by. Tonight though, tonight was different. I don't know why, I don't know how it happened, but I like liked it.

Tonight I had the most magnificent dream I've had since I can ever remember. It wasn't of magic or riches or anything physical, but rather of my great grand parents. The dream was so amazing. I dreamt of being at their home. It didn't look exactly the same as I remembered it. I mean things remembered as a child are never quite the same when seen as an adult anyway. I knew it was their home though, it had the right familiar sights, and feel. It was some sort of party for the women in my family. My sister, wife, mother, grandma, and aunt were all there for the occasion. At first I didn't realize who the party was for. I remember I brought three gifts, but it wasn't enough for all the women there. My sister then made a statement to me about the party being for mothers. The gifts were for my mother, grandmother, and great grandmother. I then knew that my children were with me. They were so excited about everything, and that's when I noticed that my great-grandparents were there. I heard my great-grandfather talking to the kids about how life was when he was here. My heart was so happy to see him again. He looked young though, not as I remember him, but as a younger man, I never saw my great-grandmother, but I could feel that she was there. When my great-grandfather spoke he sounded a lot like I used to, with a gentleness and familiarity that attracts people. I picked up my youngest girl and immediately went for him to show him to her. I was so excited that I could introduce my children to MY great-grandparents! Just as I got where he was though, he was gone, and my great-grandmother as well. I then woke up middle of the night, but instead of being sad, I was still so happy inside.

I haven't had such a happy feeling from a dream in a long time. I joke with people when they ask how I'm doing, that 'I'm living the dream', sometimes followed up by or nightmare, depending on how you look at it. I've been so stressed out lately, and for the majority of my time it seems like I have no self confidence. It's just not me. I used to exude so much self confidence that others were confident just being around me. I've always had a plan, I've always been able to work on the fly, and I've always been comfortable with my abilities to make things work out. Lately though, I've felt completely helpless. It's as though a stumbling block has been placed in my mind. I can't seem to learn, I can't seem to remember, I can't seem to basically function...

I hope this dream is an omen for which the future holds for me and my family. To go from the types of dreams I've had before that were filled with despair to a dream of a couple that I've loved so dearly all of my life, It's magnificent! Maybe God is trying to help me out. Perhaps my great-grandparents know my plight and are trying to help me feel peace... or the alternative maybe I need to cut back my meds..... I'm pretty sure it's not the meds though. I believe in God and his son, Jesus Christ, my Savior. I know that they are concerned for me, but sometimes, I'm too concerned about me to see what is Real vs what is not. I know that families can be together forever, and that that is his plan.