The first day

The first day. It's the most important day. By the choices made this day all other choices remaining are changed. The first day is the day that is most celebrated, yet most mourned. A child's first laugh, first smile, first step, to the son's/daughters first time using drugs, first crime, or first suicide attempt. No matter the age, No matter the stage of life, No matter what we may think, We all have our firsts, and we'll all have our lasts.

Today is my first. It is my first day that I will record my success, and record my failure, It is my first time I will address my problems, The first time I will fight back against that which fights with me! Everyone has problems, mine our no more severe, no more important, nor anymore difficult than anyone else's. I hope that by me sharing my experiences though, that it will give others strength with which they can use to fight whatever ails them. As well, it's a great way for me to perhaps unburden myself.

Today is a result of the last week, which is a result of the last month, which yes, was the result of years, and series of years. The difference is that on this day, I've decided to make a change, a change in myself, a change for MYSELF. I suffer from PTSD, Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder. I don't know exactly when it started, but I imagine that I have a few good guesses. Today I had an Event, an event in which I no longer had control of me. For some people I imagine this type of event is probably normal, but for me it's not. My events normally include a bout of rage, but lately, and more often not, my anger has been substituted with emotional despair and sadness. I wonder why?

I don't know how much to go into things as of yet. I hope to find others over time that perhaps will find this blog and post their own thoughts or experiences. If not, that's o.k. I'll still get the benefit of returning someday to read of my thoughts.