So, I've gone about a month without meeting with my counselor. The counselor has been out of town and finally returned this last week. I showed up for my normal appointment, but it was apparently booked for someone else. I didn't really think much about it at first, and calmly waited for some available time for me to have my visit.
I did some reading and chatted with another individual, but as time progressed I kept feeling more and more agitated. The person I was speaking with was trying to make my time a little less annoying and offered water and friendly discussion, but I just started getting angry. A second counselor showed up about the same time as their client and began their meeting. I had been waiting for about an hour total, 30 min since my counselor started meeting with another client, and I just didn't want to be there anymore. I went out to my car and as soon as I got in to drive off, I felt like just cancelling future appointments. I still want to. I called my wife to let her know what I was doing and to make sure I didn't over react (that's been my problem more and more lately). She told me to just call the office and reschedule and it would be alright. She did not want me to stop my visits. It seems she can see a change for the better when I make my normal visits. So, of course I listened to her voice of reason.
What I don't understand though, is Why am I so angry? Why does it matter? For a small amount of time, I actually felt really sad and depressed for some reason. It just doesn't make sense to me. I mean, everyone knows that stuff happens. Things don't always work out like we'd like them to. So, why is something so small as a time conflict for an appointment that normally occurs every week at the same time, such a big deal?
I find I keep getting more and more angry over the smallest things. I was trying to get some tech support information regarding a bill I received the other day. The bill should never have been sent out, but the business created a false invoice for the wrong product and submitted it to my credit card. (I think it's outright fraud, but the credit card will decide that). The number I was given to contact them was of course to India. I'm not going to say "I know the Indian people are great but..." What I'm going to say is "I hate talking to people in India." I have the hardest time understanding their accents and the way they slur words together. I can understand most Paki, Afghani, and any far Eastern version of English, but for some reason I can never understand what the people from India, Nepal, and some people from Bangladesh are saying. Long story short, by the time I was done trying to get her to simply transfer me to the person that sent out the bill, I was ready to reach through the phone and slap her head off. It was as if she didn't hear a single word I said, and was incapable of putting together a single grammatically correct English sentence. (Given, my sentences on here aren't so great, they are at least manageable!).
I deal with a group in my office. They are all bright people, some of the smartest testers I'll probably ever meet, but sometimes the ideas of how things are supposed to be done, should be done, or are actually done, just floors me. Some of them will even pull out the protocols that are established, and argue that they aren't really needed because, what they are doing isn't really all that important. If it's not that important, then why are we doing it? Why not work on something that is important? The biggest problem is that we are all on the line for everything together. We either succeed or fail as a team. Maybe it's my OCD...
I don't' understand so many things. Another thing I wish I understood is, why is it that I get so drained of energy typing this stuff up? I feel like I just did an Iron man competition... My pulse is even up.
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